Yesterday, today, tomorrow
by rubberglue
Summary: An accident causes Gwen to forget the past few years, including her relationship with Arthur. With their wedding looming, Arthur desperately needs to make her remember that she loves him.
1. Chapter 1

_They were picking flowers in the forest just outside of Camelot. Actually, she was picking flowers. He was looking for herbs for Gaius. But that didn't matter. Just being near him made her happy and she kept sneaking glances at him. Unlike the other men she knew in the castle, Merlin was different. He was unfailingly cheerful, extremely loyal and most importantly, he was brave and stood up for what he thought was right. That was a trait she thought was very lacking in many people. It was always so easy to follow others, to pretend that you didn't have a choice._

_Merlin looked up and caught her staring. It warmed her heart when instead of teasing her about her blatant interest, he grinned at her. A flush on her face, Gwen quickly looked away. _

_She was in love for the first time in her life._

* * *

"How is she?" Arthur paced the room, his eyes focused on the limp figure on the bed.

"She's alive but I am not sure why she isn't waking," said Gaius apologetically.

"It's been 3 days and she's still unconscious. Isn't there anything else we can try?" Arthur tried to keep the desperation from his voice, tried to calm his pounding heart. He couldn't believe this was happening. They were supposed to be getting ready for their wedding. Not this.

"I'm sorry my lord. It's just a matter of waiting. I'll be back tomorrow morning to check on her." Gaius bowed and left the room.

Fear threatened to choke him and Arthur slumped onto the chair next to the bed, taking Gwen's hands in his, kissing her knuckles, mentally wishing that she would wake and miraculously be alright.

"You should get some rest. I can stay with her tonight. You haven't slept in days and you still have that big council meeting tomorrow." Merlin hovered outside the room, concern in his eyes.

"I'm not leaving her. I can't." He looked at her sleeping figure, her breaths steady and slow, her face too serene. With a shaking hand, he pushed her hair from her face, his fingers lingering against her cheek. His heart clenched again and he felt the tears gathering in his eyes. He should have gone with her when she wanted to visit her father's grave instead of just having Elyan and Percival accompany her. Since the two knights had rushed back with her unconscious body, he hadn't spoken to them. He couldn't because all he wanted to do was scream at them even when in his head he knew that they would have done all they could. Instead, he left it to Merlin to find out what exactly happened.

"Arthur. Don't be foolish. Gwen wouldn't want you to behave like this. I'll be with her. I will call you if anything happens."

Arthur rubbed his face and sighed. The council meeting was an important one - the first since they reclaimed Camelot from Morgana - and he needed to be alert for it. Gwen would never forgive him for neglecting his duties.

"You're right. I'm going to get some sleep. Make sure you call me if anything changes." He pressed a kiss to Gwen's forehead and stood.

Merlin touched his shoulder. "Go on. I'll be here."

Arthur nodded. "Thank you." He took one last look at Gwen, then walked out of her room. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed two gossiping servants dart away as he walked down the corridor but he was far too tired to stop them, to tell them that Gwen was not dying. She wasn't despite the hushed whispers in the castle. She couldn't.

Despite the heaviness in his heart, he slipped easily into sleep the moment he lay on his bed, exhaustion claiming him.

* * *

_Merlin had been ordered to polish all the knights' swords by that prat of a prince and Gwen was seething on his behalf. She'd wanted to help but Merlin has rebuffed her so she sat next to him with her sewing._

_"He's doing this to you because he can. They don't need their swords polished this often. It's as if you don't have to rest."_

_Merlin just smiled at her. "You know how he is."_

_"I can't imagine what kind of king he would make. He's lived in privilege all his life and is such a bully. At least his father had to fight for his position."_

_"He's a better person than his father."_

_Gwen scoffed. Arthur Pendragon was a prince alright. A prince of selfish, useless prats. Her eyes slid towards Merlin who frowned slightly as he polished the sword in his hands and she smiled. _

* * *

While he fell asleep easily, he didn't sleep well, plagued with dreams of Gwen dying in his arms, of her blood all over his white shirt, of her eyes blank and her body limb. He woke several times, jolting up before remembering Gwen was still alive, if unconscious. In the middle of the night, he'd snuck to her room and watched her breathe from the shadows. Merlin had spotted him immediately but said nothing.

Arthur was staring up at the canopy of his bed, his mind a mess of anger and despair, when Merlin entered to get him ready for the day.

"How is she?" He dragged himself out of bed and went to wash his face. The splash of cool water on his face perked him up a little and he felt slightly more human.

"There's no change. I'm sorry."

He already expected the answer but he couldn't help the pain that ripped through him when he heard it. "I'm going to be in her room. I'll have my breakfast there."

It took a great deal of effort for him to tear himself away from her for training but he knew he had to be there to look over the new knights. Sir Leon was now in charge of training but Arthur wanted to make an appearance. Morale was quite low after the whole battle and Gwen had convinced him that taking a personal interest in the things happening around the castle would make a big difference. Even with her still lying unconscious in bed, Arthur was determined not to let Gwen down. He'd done it before and it wasn't something he wanted to do again.

The recruits appeared happy to have him around - he even sparred half-heartedly with some of them. Then it was time for the council meeting. It wasn't going to be easy. His willingness to trust Agravaine had ironically ruined the council's trust in him. Not that he blamed them. After recent events, he was reluctant to trust himself too.

"Arthur! Arthur!" Merlin skidded to a stop in front of him. There was only one reason for that. His heart lurched. Please let it be good news. "Gwen. She's up."

He ran as fast as he could to her bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

_It was a rare rest day for the two of them and they wandered through the market together. As usual, they gossiped about castle news as they looked at the various goods on offer. Around them, the market swelled with merchants and villagers, voices loud in the air as the two parties bargained but all Gwen had eyes and ears for was Merlin. _

_"This is pretty," exclaimed Merlin as he picked up a hair clip. "It'll look lovely in your hair."_

_She blushed as she was wont to do whenever Merlin said something nice about her. Everything about Merlin flustered her and she didn't know what to do about it. Should she make a move? Suggest dinner together? Even such innocent thoughts made her heart race. At times, it would seem like he was interested in her too, especially when he called her pretty or complimented her but he never seemed to do anything more._

_Merlin passed the butterfly-shaped hair clip to her. "Here. Put it on."_

_When their hands brushed, Gwen felt her cheeks heat up and she ducked her head. _

* * *

Arthur lingered at Gwen's bedroom door, despite part of him desperate to hold Gwen to feel her in his arms, giving Gaius the chance to check on her. He couldn't take his eyes off her - she was still pale and there was a tiredness in her eyes but she was awake, sitting up and the world was just that much better. There were no words to describe the mixture of relief and elation that coursed through him as he watched her smile at Gaius.

Gaius walked to him and assured him that Gwen seemed none the worse for wear. "She's slightly confused, right now but after three days of sleeping, it's not unexpected. Be gentle."

Grinning, Arthur entered the room, his heart soaring.

"Hey," he whispered as he approached the bed and took her hand in his.

She immediately pulled her hand away, surprising him. "My lord."

Something felt wrong but Arthur thought it might have been a combination of confusion and exhaustion. It didn't matter. She was alive and well and if she seemed slightly unsure, Arthur was certain it would clear up soon. Remembering Gaius's words and not wanting to upset her, he sat down on the chair beside the bed and kept his hands by the side of the bed.

The warm summer days had made her hair damp and it stuck to her forehead. Her eyes were smudged with dark rings despite all that sleeping and she looked so small and fragile in the large bed. His hands itched to touch her, to push the hair from her face, to feel her warm skin under his.

"You haven't called me by that title in a long time," he teased.

He expected her to smile at his words, to tease him back. Instead her eyes widened and she apologised, appearing to shrink further back into the bed.

Arthur changed the subject. "Are you hungry? I'll get Merlin to bring some food in. I'm pretty sure he's outside, just dying to see you anyway."

"Merlin is outside? I thought I saw him earlier but then he was gone." She perked up and he was ashamed of the slight pang of jealousy he felt.

"Of course he's outside. He's smart enough to know that I wanted to see you alone first." He smiled at her. "I'm so glad you're awake." No longer able to resist touching her, he gently brushed her hair from her face. Under his touch he felt her tense and quickly withdrew his hand. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"No. It's fine."

But despite her words, it wasn't fine. There was a strange tension in the air and Arthur didn't like it at all. Did Guinevere think him responsible for her current state? Was that the reason for her distance? Was she reconsidering their relationship? He had lost her once before. He didn't think he could bear to lose her again.

"Arthur!" Merlin opened the door. Damn Merlin and his bad timing. "Your council is waiting!"

"You should go," said Guinevere and Arthur had the impression she was trying to get rid of him. "I would like to rest as well."

He dragged his hand through his hair as he stood. Guinevere was probably still worrying about matters of the kingdom and he knew his refusal to attend the meeting would only disappoint and worry her. And how could he deny her rest? As reluctant as he was to leave her side, he did.

"Merlin will keep you company. I'll be back as soon as I can." He leaned over, wanted to kiss her but she shifted away from him and he was pretty sure he saw panic in her eyes. Something was very wrong. Guinevere, while not a huge fan of displays of affection in public, would never shrink away from him like that, especially not when the only public here was Merlin, Merlin whom they had kissed in front of many, many times.

"Merlin! Get in here."

Eagerly, Merlin scampered in and for the first time since he entered, Arthur noticed a bright genuine smile on Gwen's face, a smile she didn't have for him.

Something was very wrong and he was too afraid to find out what.

* * *

Maybe this was a dream. No. A nightmare disguised as a dream. Because that was the only reason Merlin would be saying the things he said. All those words coming out of his mouth - they couldn't be true. Or maybe this was Merlin's idea of a joke. It wasn't funny in the least which meant it might be a Merlin joke.

"Arthur? Are you listening?" Merlin was frowning and peering at Arthur as if he had been the one who had been unconscious for the past 3 days.

Anyway, Arthur wasn't listening. If he didn't listen then perhaps it wouldn't be true.

"Arthur!" Merlin waved his hands in front of Arthur's face.

Arthur focused on Merlin. "I need to be alone."

"Yeah. I'm going to look in on Gwen again. I'm sorry." He felt Merlin squeeze his shoulder before leaving.

This was his punishment. He should have known that everything had been too easy, too neat. What he had done was unforgivable and he deserved everything that was coming to him. He deserved this.

Slowly, he made his way to Guinevere's room and stood at the door. She was propped up on her pillows, her hand in Merlin's and talking to him. At least she was still alive, he told himself. At least she was still alive. Holding on to that thought, he dragged himself away from the room and went back to his. Tears that he had been holding back burned his eyes and he stared out of his window. The council had been difficult, questioning his every decision and opposing his decision to marry Gwen. She was a commoner. She had no idea how to be a Queen. All the usual arguments were trotted out and he had been prepared. But now, it was all for nothing. Gwen no longer remembered the last 5 years of her life. She no longer remembered them. She no longer loved him.

At least she was alive.

* * *

When Merlin stumbled into his room some time later, Arthur was attempting to bury his feelings in the mountain of paperwork he had been avoiding for a while. As tedious as they were, at least they occupied his mind.

"Arthur."

Arthur looked up. "How is she?"

"She's fine physically."

"Good. Make sure she has all she needs and wants." He went back to staring at the petition in his hands, willing himself to concentrate.

"She's confused and nervous. She wants to go home."

Arthur dropped the petition. The castle was supposed to be her home. "Get someone to check that her home is fine and clean it up. Once Gaius says she's well enough, she can go home."

"That's it?" Merlin walked to the table. "That's all you have to say?"

Of course it wasn't. "I trust you'll keep an eye on her. Help her learn all she's forgotten."

"Arthur."

"Don't." He got out of his chair and stalked to the window. Why did the whole of Camelot look the same as it did before Guinevere woke? How is it his whole life seemed to have been upended yet nothing else in the world seemed to have been affected?

"You should go see her."

Arthur turned from the window and started to pace. "I will. I just can't now. She needs you. You were her friend 5 years ago and she appears to trust you."

He heard Merlin sigh and then grudgingly agree.

"Does she know about Morgana?"

"No," admitted Merlin. "I'm sure she'll notice soon enough. Gaius says not to overwhelm her."

Arthur rubbed his face. "I've got to finish these paperwork by today. Take good care of her."

"You know, I will." Merlin leaned against the table, concern etched on his face. "Arthur -"

"Don't say anything about me or our upcoming marriage. I don't want to pressure her. She's alive and well and for now, that's all that matters."

"Fine." Disapproval radiated from Merlin's tone but Arthur couldn't care less. He heard the door shut, then slumped back into his chair, picking up the petition again. The words swam in front of him and his head hurt.

At least she was alive.


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur hated the relief that spread through the council chambers when he announced that the wedding was put on hold indefinitely - he couldn't bring himself to cancel it. There were grumblings of course about how this was the second wasted wedding in a matter of months, how their kingdom's resources could have been spent on better things than that. Not that the council was wrong but they could at least have shown some concern for Guinevere.

He sighed, rubbing his face. Guinevere. He wasn't quite sure what to do. Strict instructions from Gaius was to not upset her and the way she watched him warily every time he came within sight made Arthur keep his distance, getting news from either Gaius or Merlin.

It was three days later that he finally got up the courage to actually visit her. And no, it wasn't Merlin's nagging that pushed him. Not really. He just really missed her and avoiding her wasn't solving anything.

At her door, he steeled himself, preparing himself for her distance.

"My lord." Shock and what looked a lot like apprehension coloured her eyes.

He clearly wasn't prepared enough as hurt shot through him. Vaguely, he waved his hands as he stood at the door. "May I?"

"Of course." Her smile was strained and her eyes still wary.

As he crossed over to the bed, he studied her carefully. Like Merlin had assured him on countless occasions, she looked fine physically, except for the light scratches on her arms. Slowly he sat on the chair that had been placed next to the bed. Curling his fingers into his palm to stop himself from giving in to the desire to touch her, he smiled. "How have you been?"

"I have been good, my lord. I need to thank you so much for your hospitality, for letting me recover in such comfort." Her politeness hurt even more.

"It is of no trouble." He swallowed, pushing aside his nerves. "Merlin told me that you have no memory of the past 5 years."

The mask she had been wearing fell from her face and he saw the sadness, fear and confusion she was feeling. The urge to hold her and tell her it would be alright was overwhelming. Instead, he just took her hand. Even that caused her to stiffen, but she didn't pull away immediately and he was grateful for that.

"I'm sorry. It cannot be easy." Now, Guinevere slipped her hand from his and he felt an acute sense of loss.

"No." She dropped her eyes from his and stared at her clasped hands. "A lot of things have changed. I feel like I don't know so much and I don't feel like I belong here sometimes."

He ached to take her hand again but refrained. She didnt need him pushing himself on her, not when she had so much to absorb. "You will always have a home here, Guinevere. Always."

A strange expression crossed her face and she stared at him. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Did she remember? His heart clenched and he looked away, unable to face the disappointment he knew would be on her face. Guinevere had never given voice to her disappointment at his actions when he'd callously cast her out of Camelot, instead insisting that she deserved it, but he knew that deep down inside she had expected better from him. He could see it in her eyes, when they talked about the incident, when she thought he wasn't looking.

He felt her tentative touch on his hand and he looked up.

"I'm sorry my lord. I didn't mean to suggest that you don't keep your promises. I don't know what I was thinking."

He grimaced and squeezed her hand, pleased that he could touch her again. "You probably know me better than you think. I have a habit of letting people down."

An awkward silence fell. There hadn't been awkward silences between them in years.

Sighing, Arthur let go of her hand and stood. "I should go. You need your rest."

"Thank you sire for your kindness."

He stopped at the door and gazed at the woman who was supposed to become his wife and took in the complete lack of affection in her demeanor. "It's the least I could do."

* * *

It was a good thing the knights were having a training session. He needed to work off his anger and unhappiness. Unluckily for the new trainees, Arthur took out his stress on them, yelling at them when they failed to keep up with him.

"Arthur! You need to stop!" Elyan, in charge of training this morning, grabbed his arm and pulled him off the cowering squire. Flinging down his sword, Arthur stalked away.

"I know you're upset but you can't act like this!" Elyan had followed him and cornered him at the far end of the field.

"I know. I know. You're right." He rubbed his forehead. "I'll go apologize to the squire later."

Elyan stared at him before speaking again. "You just saw my sister."

"Yeah."

"Give her time. Killing your squires isn't going to solve anything."

"Was she pleased to see you?" Arthur asked, ignoring Elyan's words.

Elyan laughed at that. "I think she was both angry and happy. She did hit me a few times. I didn't have much time with her though, what with Gaius insisting she needs rest. She doesn't know why or how I'm back or that I'm a knight."

"There's a lot that has changed," murmured Arthur more to himself than Elyan.

Clapping his shoulder, Elyan nodded. "Yes. It'll take some time but have faith. You two love each other."

Arthur wished he was as hopeful as Elyan was. Mumbling his thanks, Arthur left a worried looking Elyan and went off in search for the poor squire. He needed to get a grip of himself.

* * *

The next day, it was yet another tiresome council during which a huge debate flared about whether they should raise taxes in order to pay for the repairs to the kingdom. By the time council ended, they were still deadlocked and Arthur was feeling the stress, especially with both Merlin and Gwen unavailable to lend a listening ear. As he trudged back to his room, he thought he heard noises coming from what used to be Morgana's room and although Arthur had not stepped foot in it since Morgana's first betrayal, he carefully opened the door, sword drawn. Fears of Morgana having returned surfaced.

"Show yourself!" Arthur slowly made his way into the room. Untouched since Morgana fled Camelot, it looked as if she could still be a resident of her room. The bed was made and her combs and hair accessories laid neatly across her dressing table. A gown was strewn haphazardly across the arm of a chair. Memories flooded through Arthur as he took in the room, of the lady he once thought was the most beautiful in all the lands, of the lady he treated as his own sister. His anger at her easy betrayal built, swamping the grief and hurt he felt. He should have asked the servants to clean it and get rid of everything that was connected to Morgana.

And then he saw her, standing in the corner of the room, one of Morgana's many jewelled hand mirrors in her hand.

"Guinevere." Her name fell from his lips even before he could stop himself. Perhaps he should have just left, leave Guinevere to her thoughts, send Merlin as emotional support.

She started before scrambling to curtsy. "My Lord. I'm sorry. I should not be here."

"No. It's fine. I presume you know about Morgana?" He sat on Morgana's neatly made bed and gestured Guinevere over. It briefly crossed his mind that it was probably her who made the bed all those years ago.

Slowly, she sat down at the other corner of the bed, she nodded. "Merlin mentioned a little when I wasked but he seemed very reluctant to tell me more. It almost sounds like something out of those stories they tell children. You never imagine it would happen to you."

"No. I guess not. Even I have a hard time believing this has happened." The laugh torn from him lacked humour. "One moment she was my closest family and they next, she's trying to kill me. Was I such an awful brother that she couldn't come to me?"

"I doubt she came to me either," whispered Gwen, her knuckled white as she clutched the mirror.

"Sorry. I shouldn't burden you with my angst." He wondered why he and Guinevere had never spoken about Morgana before. Then again, they had been very good at avoiding difficult topics - Morgana, Lancelot, banishments. Did she feel the same way Morgana did? That she couldn't come to him with her problems?

Guinevere moved suddenly and sat next to him. Not as close as he would like but near enough. "Oh. Please. If you don't mind, I would love to talk about Morgana. It might help me sort out my thoughts. Merlin doesn't seem to want to."

It wasn't what he expected her to say but Arthur realised that he wanted to talk about Morgana too. His silence must have unnerved her because she shifted slightly and started to stand. Not wanting to see her leave, he blurted, "I would love to talk too."

She smiled slightly and settled back down on the bed, this time slightly closer to him. Hope blossomed in Arthur's heart. Maybe this would be the start of them rebuilding their relationship.

"So," he said, allowing himself the indulgence of gazing into her eyes for a while.

A blush coloured her cheeks. "Tell me what happened with Morgana."

For the next hour or so, Arthur told her the story of Morgana and in between he weaved his fears, his guilt and his hopes. And Guinevere listened, comforted and shared her own confusion and question. It was almost like times of old when he used to end his day in his chambers with her, usually busy with the mending.

"Were we friends my lord?"

The question surprised him. "Yes," he said simply. "We were friends but now it seems we are not. But perhaps, one day we will be friends again."

For the first time, her hand closed around his. "Things really changed in those 5 years." A light laugh escaped her. "I cannot imagine that someone like you would befriend a servant."

"Someone like me?"

Pulling her hand away, she stood from the bed. "I apologise. I should not have said that my lord."

Bereft, he stood as well. "No. This was part of our friendship - your honesty with me. I'd like to think that I'm not the person I was 5 years ago and maybe, you will see that too."

"Maybe."

Once more, silence fell between them. She moved first. A curtsy and she left the room.

* * *

Arthur was still pondering the tax issue the next morning when Merlin entered his room. Tossing his papers on the table he enquired about Gwen.

"She's moving back to her home this afternoon." Merlin pottered about picking up the mess Arthur had left. "Your new manservant isn't much better than me."

"He doesn't answer back and calls me Sire all the time."

"You hate it don't you?"

"Shut up. It's a good thing you dropped by anyway. I wanted to ask your opinion on -" He stopped when a knock came. "Come in!"

Gwen poked her head in. "My lord. I came to see if you would like to have dinner tonight at my place. It's not much but I would love to thank you for your lovely hospitality." Then she set eyes on Merlin, blushed a little and her voice dropped. "Hi Merlin. You'll be coming too right?"

"Umm yeah. You know I'll be there."

Something was happening between Gwen and Merlin and Arthur wasn't sure if he liked it. "I'll be there as well. Thank you."

She smiled and disappeared.

Arthur turned to Merlin. "What was that about?"

"What?"

"Look at me. What was going on between you and Gwen?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Nothing Arthur. You're too stressed. Why don't you go hunt some poor animals?"

"Just go. I'll get George to finish up here. I'm busy and you're a distraction."

Maybe Merlin was right. He was probably imagining things. Looking back down at his papers, he continued sorting through the paperwork, a smile playing on his face as he thought of dinner that night.

The rest of his day passed in a blur. There was some training which he participated in only briefly, some meetings with the leaders of the lower and middle town about the rebuilding and arranging meetings with some of the lords and kings of the neighbouring lands. By the time evening arrived, he was tired but the prospect of having dinner with Guinevere was enough to perk him up. Pulling on his cloak, he exited the castle and made his way towards Guinevere's home in the middle town.

"My lord!" Guinever smiled warmly as she opened the door for him. Merlin was already seated comfortably at her table, sipping from a goblet. He raised a hand in greeting.

"You haven't called me that in years. Call me Arthur."

"Arthur." The urge to bend down and kiss her suddenly took hold and he quickly distracted himself with removing his cloak instead.

"I'm starving. What are we having?"

"Chicken and some soup. It's not as lavish as the food from the royal kitchens."

"It smells good."

"Merlin helped." Again, she flushed as she looked at Merlin.

Ignoring the unease building in him, Arthur settled down at the table and dinner started. Conversation flowed easily and for a while, Arthur could almost imagine that it was like old times, the three of them in her small home, sharing food and laughs. Still, he couldn't help but notice her sneaking glances at Merlin and the smile that crossed her face every time Merlin directed his attention to her. When in the middle of the of dinner, her hand brushed Merlin's and she jumped in shock flushing deeply, Arthur knew. For years, he and Gwen had played that same game. But now, she was playing it with an apparently clueless Merlin.

Gwen was still blushing and staring at her dinner when Arthur stood up from the table. She looked up in surprise. Merlin too stared at him in confusion.

"My lord! Do you have to leave already?"

"I am afraid so. There are things I have to do back in the castle. Dinner was wonderful. Thank you." Without waiting for either of them to respond, he grabbed his cloak and left her home. In his mind, all he could see was Gwen kissing Lancelot over and over again, then begging Arthur to spare him. Once again, he wondered if she ever really loved him. Now he wondered if she ever would again.


	4. Chapter 4

"What was last night about?" Merlin burst into his room early the next morning. "You did well if your plan was to upset Gwen."

"I'm sure you cheered her up. Go spend the day with her." Arthur knew he was being petulant but frankly, he didn't feel like being the bigger person at the moment. He pushed the papers around his table in an attempt to look busy, hoping Merlin would leave and leave Arthur alone.

Of course Merlin didn't.

Leaning against the wardrobe, Merlin crossed his arms with a huff. "I thought dinner would be a great opportunity for you to rebuild your relationship with her and you do this?"

"Maybe I don't want to rebuild the relationship."

"Stop being such a prat! You love Gwen. You've always loved Gwen." Merlin was practically shouting at him now. "And you're giving up? You've barely even tried."

"She's in love with you, Merlin." Really, how did Merlin ever live so long?

Merlin stared open-mouthed at him.

"You're such a fool Merlin. She's smiling at you, cooking your favourite chicken dish, blushing when you look at her. She's in love with you." Each word he said seemed to cut a new wound into his heart.

"I don't love her that way," a still stunned Merlin muttered.

Arthur sighed. "That's not the point. I don't know what the point is. The council is a pain. Gwen is in love with you. Morgana is still out there plotting against us. Resources are low. I don't know what to do anymore."

Merlin was blissfully silent for a brief moment. Then he spoke again. "I don't think the solution is to give up on Gwen."

"What if she never truly loved me?"

"Is this about Lancelot?" Concern crossed Merlin's face.

Slouched at the edge of his bed, Arthur buried his face in his hands. "One day before we were to be married, she was kissing him in the middle of the night. She said she couldn't help herself. What was I supposed to make of that?" He had never discussed his with anyone before, not even Gwen, not when he realised that it upset her. They were very good at avoiding difficult topics.

"Why propose again if you had doubts?" Merlin was pacing now, his expression troubled.

"Because I can't lose her. I don't know what I would do without her in my life. And I thought that with Lancelot gone and knowing she cared about me at least, we could make a life together. But now." He sighed, remembering how coy she had been with Merlin. "Now, I don't know anymore."

"You really are a clotpole." Merlin ducked the flying pillow easily. "You love her and you are just going to give up? You two survived your father, countless princesses, kidnappings and even Lancelot and you are going to give up now?"

There was truth in Merlin's words, but Arthur was feeling far too sorry for himself to acknowledge it. "What do you think I should do then?"

"Court her. Make her love you again. She did once. She will again. And don't give me that nonsense about Lancelot. She said it was a mistake. You know Gwen. She never lies. If she didn't love you, she would have told you. You've made your share of mistakes too."

"What if she doesn't fall for me this time?" And he supposed that was the crux of the matter. If he didn't try, he couldn't fail.

"Then at least you would have tried. It's better than wondering."

Sometimes he forgot how wise Merlin could be. Not that he'd admit it out loud. "You're right."

"I usually am." A grin slowly spread on Merlin's face and Arthur chucked another pillow at him. Never a good idea to let him become too big-headed.

* * *

Court duties took up more of his time and with the visit of Lord Cheswick soon, Arthur found himself too busy to spend any time with Gwen, something that was very frustrating but also a relief.

Frankly, Arthur had no idea how to court Gwen. The first time round, there really wasn't any actual courtship that took place. One moment she was simply Morgana's handmaiden, someone he barely paid attention to then the next she was all he could think of. But everything was so complicated, he was so nervous, uncertain and she was quite reticent that for a while nothing happened. Nothing big anyway. There were many small moments though, moments that he still treasured greatly. More importantly, most of these moments were unplanned - their first kiss, even their second kiss, the big rescue, the short impromptu chats, the hugs - none of it were planned. There had been no formal dates, he never really bought her anything or wrote her any poetry and for most part, their relationship was never made public.

It seemed like this time round, things were going to be different and it wasn't going to be easy. He just hoped it didn't take him another 5 years.

Still, he knew that flowers were a good starting point, so he'd instructed Merlin to get some.

Going through petitions from his people wasn't his favourite thing to do but it had to be done. Farmers were asking for rations to make up for the crops destroyed in the battle. Merchants were asking to pay less taxes and many citizens were appealing for their homes and their businesses to come first on the list of repairs. Tired of trying to please as many people as possible and yet not overstretch his kingdom's resources and his knights, Arthur sighed and tossed the paper on the table. He allowed his mind to wander to Gwen and he wondered what she was doing and where she was.

Merlin tumbled into his room, his arms full of roses of varying hues.

"Here you go. The castle gardens wholly moved into your room."

"This is barely a fraction of the garden. Do you think Gwen will like them?"

"All girls like flowers right?" Merlin placed the flowers in a vase on Arthur's table, arranged them a little before stepping back to admire his handiwork. Arthur frowned at it. There was something wrong but he couldn't put his finger on it. "Isn't the first step to make your intentions known though?"

"Where did you get that from?"

"I may not be royalty but I do know how things work." Then he flushed and muttered. "Also, there was a book in the library on courtship."

That piqued Arthur's interest. A book would be most useful and he made a mental note to grab it later. He might have been through courting lessons during his training as a prince but he had never taken them seriously. As far as he knew then, his father would find him a wife and that would be that.

"Make my intentions known? Wouldn't the flowers do that?" This was turning out to be as complicated as he feared.

"Well, I think you're suppose to tell her first before plying her with flowers, poetry and presents. Do you think I could be around when you get to the poetry reciting bit of the courtship?"

"You know what my intentions are? They are to make you muck out the stables if you don't leave right now."

"See, you're not bad at declaring intentions," quipped Merlin as he slipped out of the door.

Intentions indeed. Arthur dragged his hand through his hair as he stared at the roses. There really were a lot of them and he suspected that presenting them all to Gwen would intimidate her more than flatter her. He sighed. He should get that book Merlin mentioned.

In fact, he thought, as he stood up, why not get the book now?

* * *

That perhaps wasn't the best idea when turning the corner, he slammed into Guinevere. The basket in her hands fell to the ground.

"Ah!"

"Oh!"

"My lord!"

"Guinevere!"

On the floor, the laundry was strewn all over. Gwen immediately bent down to pick them up. It only seemed right that he help. He couldn't say for sure if it was an accident, but his hands brushed hers, causing her to catch her breath and pull away quickly. For some reason, the resulting blush on her cheeks emboldened him.

"I have something to tell you."

"Oh?" She stared up at him, her gorgeous brown eyes probing his.

"Yes. The thing is, well, I have plans."

Confusion crossed her face but she said nothing.

"I have plans that involve you actually." This wasn't going as smoothly as he had hoped. Actually, with the way she was staring at him, a mix of confusion and wariness, it might actually be going quite badly. "They actually involve me courting you."

"What?" The laundry fell from her hands again. "Did you just say you want to court me?"

"Yes. I just thought you should know." Silence. "Umm because that is my intention. Yes." He knew he was babbling but Gwen was staring at him, opened-mouth and he wasn't quite sure what to do.

"I'm just a maidservant." The confusion was still in her eyes and she spoke slowly and cautiously. "Surely there are eligible princesses somewhere?"

"Well, I like you and you're never just a maidservant. Not to me. Speaking of which, why are you at work?"

"I couldn't sit at home the whole day doing nothing. It wasn't like my memory was returning while I did nothing." The laundry was all picked up and Gwen made to leave. She started to curtsy and he grabbed her elbow to stop her.

"Don't. There's no need for you curtsy. The same way you don't have to call me by my titles."

She bit her lower lip and again, he wanted to kiss her. "Why me? I'm nothing special."

"You are special. To me. You're the bravest, wisest, kindest person I know. And -" He stopped. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to talk about the past they no longer shared. He cupped her chin gently and smiled at her. Then, without thinking, he brushed a light kiss across her lips.

She stepped slowly away from him, a nervousness in her eyes. "I need to go."

With a sinking heart, he watched as she walked away from him. That didn't go quite as well as he had hoped.

He really should get his hands on that book. Perhaps that wasn't how one went about declaring their intentions.


	5. Chapter 5

"My lord."

Arthur flashed a weak smile at Geoffrey. "Geoffrey. I'm here for a book."

"Of course." The tone was blank and Geoffrey went back to looking at his book but Arthur was convinced that Geoffrey knew exactly why Arthur was in the dusty library - a place he hadn't been his father punished him by making him copy out his ancestral family tree.

The library was bigger than he remembered. It also contained more books than he remembered. He cursed Merlin beneath his breath. What kind of instructions were somewhere on the left side?

Evidently, Arthur had been standing in one place for too long.

"Can I help you, my lord?"

"Uh - Merlin says you have books about people."

"A lot of the books here are about people, my lord. Perhaps you would like a book about a particular kind of people?" Geoffrey had pushed his book away, folded his arms on the table and was staring up seriously at him.

Arthur frowned. "Yes. Uh, princesses and the like. You know, female people."

"Female people." In all his years of life, Arthur had never seen Geoffrey smile but now, he was certain that behind that solemn mask, Geoffrey was laughing at him. "Would you like books about anatomy or perhaps, the history of some famous princesses?"

"Not the anatomy. More like how to marry one." He was most likely blushing.

"You mean a courtship guide?" Geoffrey stood, his face still a blank mask. "We have a few on the last shelf in the right section. Would you like me to show you?"

"No. No, thank you. I will be fine."

Arthur heard the chair scrape behind him. "I am glad you are looking to get married, Sire."

Arthur turned and stared at the perfectly expressionless Geoffrey. "Have you been out of the library recently?"

"No, my lord."

"Ah."

Coated in a layer of dust, Arthur finally got his hands on the book but more pressing matters arose and he found himself stuck in countless meetings as the arrival of Lord Cheswick approached. Being the lord of a significant and strategically placed piece of land, it was important that Camelot kept on friendly terms with him if only to ensure that Morgana had one less place to hide.

By evening, Arthur was annoyed, stressed and exhausted. His sword in hand, he made his way down to the training fields, itching to take down one of his knights. Preferably Gwaine.

Unfortunately, even before he could start warming up, Elyan cornered him.

"What did you tell Gwen?" His voice was calm but Arthur wasn't fooled. There was glint in his eyes that put Arthur on the defense.

"I decided that I wasn't going to wait around for her to regain her memory so I'm going to have to court her. I trust you don't have a problem with that!" Arthur might have sounded a little snippy but this was the last straw after a really frustrating day.

"No. You two were going to get married. I have nothing against you two but she's not the Gwen you were going to marry."

Arthur's head started to throb. He was here to relieve his stress, not to compound it. "Why don't you just say what you want to say Elyan."

"She's worried."

"I don't understand." Was it the kiss? He knew he shouldn't have done that.

"She feels that being a servant, she can't turn you down."

"She wants to turn me down?" He didn't actually realise it would hurt so much. In his head, he would follow the standard courtship procedures, she would remember how they were and things would go back to normal.

"I don't know but at the moment, she feels like you're not giving her a choice in the matter, because you are king and she's just a servant."

He wanted to hit something. Instead, he took a deep breath. "Tell her I take everything I said back. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do, for me or for anyone." He couldn't keep the bitterness and anger from his voice.

"Arthur. That's not -"

"I don't want to talk about it." Where was Gwaine? He needed to work off his frustration.

Gwaine won but the exertion calmed Arthur down somewhat. Stripping off his armour, he wandered to the edge of the training ground, planning to watch his knights train for a while before he had to go back and be king again.

What he had not planned on was Gwen turning up. He saw her in the distance but he didn't expect her to walk over to him, not after that conversation with Elyan.

"Arthur." She stood next to him.

"Guinevere." Part of him wanted to plead with her to give him a chance. Another part of him wanted to tell her to stay away from him. In the end, he stood stiffly, avoiding eye-contact with her.

"I just learnt that people have been keeping things from me." She didn't sound angry, which was a relief. "I only discovered yesterday that Elyan is a knight of Camelot. Actually, I only just realised that your core knights are all commoners."

Finally he looked at her. She was looking up at him, her eyes soft. "And your point is?" The slight smile she had faded and he groaned inwardly. He couldn't do anything right when it came to her.

"I wanted to tell you that I thought it was a wonderful thing to do." Her smile was shy but for once she didn't look nervous around him. Unsurprisingly, he felt his mood improve and a smile tugged at his lips. "You are right. You aren't the same prince I knew then. I just wish I remembered."

"You had a lot to do with it."

"I can't imagine that we were friends. I don't think I've ever spoken to you much before. Certainly not like this."

"Things happened but we were friends. And friends don't force their friends to do anything. When I spoke to you yesterday -"

"No, I'm sorry. I suppose Elyan must have spoken to you. I guess if I had my memories, I would know that you weren't ordering me to do anything. I keep thinking you're the selfish, arrogant prince I know but you're not anymore, are you?" She seemed relaxed and happy to talk.

He laughed, feeling his spirits lift. "If you asked Merlin, he would tell you that I'm still the same selfish, arrogant prince."

"That prince I knew, the one who cared about no one under his station, would never have knighted men who were not nobles."

"Maybe." He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Being a prince was a lot easier than being king."

"Is something the matter?"

"There are several things the matter. But right now, what is most pressing is how the rebuilding of the towns and the castle and how that is draining the resources we do have. The council wants to increase taxes." And as he explained to Gwen the issues and his own thoughts, it was almost like how things were before.

"The people have lost so much that taxing them is unlikely to bring in much more revenue and many won't be able to pay anyway, don't you think?"

"And the ill-will generated is going to outweigh any increase in revenue," muttered Arthur. These were thoughts he had had and it was nice to have them validated.

She nodded. "Exactly. The people are suffering enough."

Something eased in him. "Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. It looks like the castle will need to be a bit more prudent with our spending." He wondered what they could cut down on without upsetting too many people.

"Perhaps you could cut down on the wastage in the castle," she said, as if reading his mind, "for example, the kitchen is always cooking at least twice the amount of food needed, especially during feasts. And the amount of fancy flower decorations in the castle isn't really necessary is it?" Her voice trailed off and he realised she was feeling self-conscious.

As he expected, she quickly apologised and took a step back. He resisted the urge to grab her hand and keep her close, fearing he might spook her with his forwardness. Her words, her sensibility reminded him of why he was so eager to marry her. It was more than him loving her. Gwen was going to make a wonderful queen.

"There is nothing to apologise for Guinevere. I should thank you instead for your thoughts."

Pink stained her cheeks and she smiled at him. Slowly, he bent his head, wanting to give her the chance to pull away. Her eyes widened slightly, her lips opened but she didn't move. Encouraged, he pressed his lips against hers, savouring the feel and taste of her. One hand threaded through her hair while the other lightly held her waist. All he could think of was how perfect this was, how she tasted the way he remembered and how much he loved this woman in his arms. Instinctively, he swept his tongue against her lips and she parted them even more, allowing him access to her mouth. The kiss deepened and he was quite sure he felt her hands hesitantly lift to lie on his chest. For a while after the kiss ended, they stared breathlessly at each other.

"I -"

"Arthur. I ... You must know that my heart lies elsewhere. I'm sorry."

What was there to say to that? He watched the way she was still breathing heavily and how her cheeks were red, her eyes dark and he took solace in the fact that she wasn't immune to him.

"I need to get back to the knights," he said, wanting to give her space. He reached out and tucked a curl behind her ear, then turned and walked away from her. It wasn't easy.


	6. Chapter 6

First on the list, after making his intentions known according to that book, was flowers. He had already managed to mangle the intentions bit so Arthur made sure to read that section several times. According to this rather tattered book, one was supposed to send a messenger to do such things not crash into their intended and scare her. So, flowers. Roses were recommended which was convenient because the castle gardens were full of them. Unfortunately, he couldn't use the ones Merlin picked some days ago because they now looked half dead. The roses were the easy part. It seemed that he was also supposed to write "a note expressing his affection" for his intended as well. Looking at the small pile of crumpled papers next to him, he groaned. He would be lucky to have a note written before winter.

He tried being honest about his feelings but then it became a long, never ending note that he suspected stopped making sense somewhere after the second line.

He tried being a little more coy but he worried that he came across as if he didn't really care one way or another.

He was about to try some poetry but then his mind just went blank.

Perhaps a distraction would help he thought as he reached for more official papers. Ever since his little conversation with Gwen at the training ground, he had been going through the castle's budget, trying to work out where he could save some money. He hated it.

Of course Merlin had to enter then to compound his bad mood.

"I don't like that look on your face." Merlin was holding another armful of roses. "I thought you might need these since you let the last batch wither."

"Great. Thanks."

Merlin dithered about, removing dying roses and replacing them with new ones.

Arthur knew he was going to regret this but he asked anyway. "What would you write on a love note?"

"Uh, something about love?"

"Thank you Merlin. You're so much help as usual." Arthur rolled his eyes and snatched a new piece of paper. He wanted to write the note before this batch of flowers died. Then he remembered something that had been plaguing him. "You know, Merlin, she is in love with you. And I've been thinking, this means that 5 years ago, she was in love with you."

"Mmmm." Merlin started poking around the room, pretending to be cleaning up.

"I'm curious. Did anything happen between you two?"

"Aside from that … oh … nope, nothing happened." Merlin flashed a big grin, the one that told everyone he was lying.

Arthur narrowed his eyes, then waved his hand as carelessly as he could. "Fine. I don't want to know anyway." He might be sulking a little but he didn't care. He was entitled to a sulk now and then. After all, he was king. Still smarting from the idea that Gwen preferred Merlin over him, he scribbled a quick note, folded it and told Merlin to bring the flowers and card over to Gwen. As Merlin sauntered out of the room holding the massive bouquet of flowers in his favourite vase, Arthur hoped that it would produce the desired effect.

The next person to bother him as he scanned through the castle's budget was Sir Leon.

"Sire, Lord Cheswick is on his way to Camelot. Our scouts estimate that he will arrive in about 4 to 5 days. He had brought his daughter my lord."

Arthur looked up sharply/ "Daughter? What daughter? The last I heard, he had a son."

"It appears that he adopted a child from a close friend."

"I hope he has better luck with her than my dad did," Arthur said wryly before turning his attention back to his work. "I'll see you at the council meeting later."

* * *

While most weren't happy with the cuts Arthur put forward, the council grudgingly agreed that there was a necessity to be more prudent. There was a lot more opposition to Arthur's decision not to increase taxes. He was accused of being too soft hearted, too weak which was somewhat ironic since he stood firm in the face of their displeasure.

He had some hope that he would bump into Guinevere as he exited the council room but on the slow walk to the training grounds, all he met were random knights and servants. He wondered if she liked the flowers. Were they in a vase somewhere? Or had she dumped them?

Even after spending some time with the training knights, he didn't catch a glimpse of Guinevere at all and he found himself feeling quite disappointed. Before going back to his room to clean up, he wandered around the castle aimlessly for a while. Still no Guinevere.

It didn't occur to him that she would be serving him dinner.

Dinner nowadays was taken with his knights. After all, it wasn't like he had any family left. When Guinevere entered the room bearing food, an awkward hush fell. While everyone were used to having Guinevere serve them dinner, this was different. Usually she would bring the food in, chat a little with them and then, always, turn down the offer to eat with them. Now, she didn't remember any of them, didn't remember the easy relationship she had with them. It was obvious the way her head dipped and the how she avoided eye contact with them.

"Guinevere!" Percival grinned at her as she placed the food in front of him, "how have you been?"

"I've been good, my lord."

"There's no need for titles Gwen," Gwaine drawled, "I hear you don't remember but we were friends before. In fact, you might have had a slight crush on me."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Shut up Gwaine. Leave her alone."

"Someone is jealous," Gwaine sang before Elyan punched him in the arm.

"You really don't remember us at all?" Percival frowned at her, as if personally affronted that her memory loss included him.

"Stop it." Arthur snapped, angry that the knight's teasing seemed to be upsetting Guinevere.

Guinevere finished placing the food on the table, then hung back, looking incredibly uncomfortable. He knew his knights didn't mean any harm and at the moment they were busy debating whether the tavern in the middle town had better mead than the tavern they chanced upon on the outskirts of Camelot recently.

"You can take your leave Guinevere. I'm sure Merlin is around somewhere. He can clear up."

"But -"

"That is an order, Gwen."

Her eyes met his, soft and grateful. "Thank you."

"Is she going to be like that forever?" Gwaine asked, his eyes on the door Gwen had just left from.

"I don't know. I hope not."

"You would," muttered Percival, "and you are not planing to tell her how she was going to marry you?"

Elyan sighed, "She's confused enough. Everything is different and she's experiencing everything that happened in 5 years over a few weeks. She doesn't need more pressure from all of you. Especially you Gwaine."

"Are we supposed to go back to treating her like one of the other servants then?"

"No, of course not." Arthur looked at the concerned faces of his knights. Thoughtless they might be but they still cared about Gwen. "Just don't push her."

He should take his own advice he thought to himself as he walked back to his chambers.

"Gwen said to thank you for the flowers." Merlin fell into step with him.

"Did she like them?"

"Umm, she didn't thrown them away," Merlin smiled faintly. "You two are destined for each other. It's just a matter of time."

"Sure." He wished he had as much faith as everyone else.

* * *

Arthur made sure he sent Gwen flowers every day through Merlin but he made an effort to avoid her, trying not to push her too much. His notes to her were little more than her name and his, sometimes with a little note of whatever he was doing as he thought of her. While the flowers were never sent back and Merlin claimed she kept them all, he worried constantly that nothing was actually moving forward. There was a fear building in him that he had lost her forever and that thought chilled him to the bone.

Trying to keep spending in the castle down, Arthur found himself spending more and more time ploughing through budgets and accounts. With Lord Cheswick about to arrive and rumours of sightings of Morgana, Arthur was barely getting enough sleep. In a fit of annoyance with the way his life was going, he wrote a little rant in his latest note to Gwen, suggesting half in jest if she would help him with the budget. It made him feel a little better, getting it off his chest. Before he could toss it, Merlin grabbed it as he went on about some gossip he heard recently.

Arthur made a half-hearted attempt to get the note back but failed. The moment Merlin stepped out of his room, regret set in. He should have insisted on getting the note back. What would Gwen think about him using love notes to whine about his responsibilities? Only, as king, he probably couldn't run out and tackle Merlin to get the note back.

"Sire! Lord Cheswick is approaching." Leon burst into the room shortly after Merlin disappeared. "I've gathered the knights."

"Right. Get Merlin. He should be with Guinevere."

For a ruler of a piece of land that was only about one-fifth of Camelot, Arthur couldn't believe the number of people that Lord Cheswick travelled with.

"He brought all his subjects," whispered Merlin at his side.

"Hush! I'm not having you destroy our chances of signing the treaty."

"I'm just saying what you are thinking."

"Shut up Merlin."

As Lord Cheswick climbed out of his carriage, Arthur made his way forward.

"Lord Cheswick! Welcome to Camelot. Thank you for honouring us with your visit."

"My lord. May I present my beloved daughter - Lady Clara." Arthur watched as a young lady exited the carriage after Lord Cheswick. Gwaine whistled lowly behind him and Arthur resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Gwaine would chase after anything that moved, male or female.

"Lady Clara," he bent and kissed her hand as expected. Clara blushed and smiled at him and he caught a gleam of interest in her eyes. As much as he was flattered, he really didn't need this right now.

After a bit more platitudes, he sent Lord Cheswick and his people to the guest rooms with the servants. As Clara walked past him, she took the opportunity to run her hand along his arm. He kept the smile on his face until she turned away. Heaving a sigh, he wondered why everything had to happen at the same time.

"I saw that," said Merlin meaningfully.

That, Arthur decided, didn't need a response.

"I have something for you."

"If it is more trouble, can it wait till tomorrow?"

"It's from Gwen."

Arthur stopped. Over the past three days, he had had no communication with Gwen, despite the flowers he sent.

"What is it?" He didn't want to get his hopes up. What if she wanted him to stop sending the flowers?

"Here. She wrote you a note." There was a smirk on Merlin's face but Arthur didn't care. He grabbed the note and hurried to his room.

"Well?" Merlin hovered near him, dragging off Arthur's jacket. "What did she write?"

"Do I have to tell you everything?"

"At least tell me if it is good or bad."

"Go away Merlin."

Laughing, Merlin turned down Arthur's bed, gave it a pat and walked out of the room.

The note wasn't long and Gwen definitely wasn't declaring her love for him but she was expressing concern for him, thanking him for his care for his people and offering whatever help she could. He must have read it maybe 4 or 5 times before he finally fell asleep with it under his pillow.

* * *

AN: Once again, thanks for the comments! It's really nice hearing what you think. :)


	7. Chapter 7

Arthur was feeling quite pleased with himself. The note from Guinevere had given him the push he needed to move on to the next step of courtship. After all, the book stated that as long as he received a favourable response, he could consider moving on. At this rate, he'd be married to Gwen within the year.

And just this morning, he had thought up a brilliant plan. After flowers, the next step as listed in the book, was to dedicate the winning of a competition to your love which was convenient. With Lord Cheswick around, there had to be celebrations so what better way than to have a tournament? This would give him a chance to both honour Lord Cheswick's visit and more importantly, take the next step in courting Gwen.

He was still grinning to himself when Merlin turned up.

"I don't suppose you want a jousting tournament? Those are the people's favourite."

Arthur glared at Merlin. If he had his way, Camelot would never have a jousting tournament again. "Jousting is expensive. Just a simple melee tournament will do. Not too many rounds so it can done within a day."

"Not planning to flaunt Camelot's strength and riches?"

Tempted to throw something at Merlin's too-innocent face, Arthur simply clenched his fists and huffed. "No. You know full well that we can't afford such frivolities."

"I suppose you are entering?"

"Of course."

His brilliant plan lost its shine when Lord Cheswick asked to speak with him privately after a meeting about the treaty.

"My lord. I understand that there will be a small tournament tomorrow for our entertainment."

Arthur nodded, his mind on other things, such as the note he had yet to write Gwen this evening. Certainly he couldn't go back to just signing his name. Yet it didn't seem right to complain about his life again. Perhaps he could ask how she has been coping instead. That seemed more -

"I appreciate your generosity. I have a delicate matter to bring up to you."

"Oh," Arthur was startled out of this thoughts and turned to Lord Cheswick. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure if you noticed, but my daughter has developed some sort of attraction to you."

That stopped Arthur in his tracks. He really didn't need this right now and he started searching for what to say to let Lord Cheswick down gently.

"I heard about your two botched weddings. To be honest, I am not keen on any relationship between you and my daughter. It's obvious you have issues and Clara is too young. Still, she would be thrilled if, should you win the tournament, you dedicated the win to her."

"What?" On one hand, he was relieved that he wasn't going to be beating off another attempted marriage. On the other, it stung a little that Lord Cheswick thought that he wasn't good enough for his daughter. Then it dawned upon him what Lord Cheswick was suggesting. "I don't want to give your daughter the wrong impression!"

"No, don't worry. Just humour her this trip. We will be out of your kingdom soon enough and chances are, she will never see you again." Lord Cheswick paused and looked meaningfully at Arthur. "Of course, I will also be more inclined to be less fussy over our negotiations if my daughter is happy."

"Right." Arthur's heart sank even as he agreed.

Lord Cheswick clapped him on the shoulder. "I trust you will do the right thing."

Arthur nodded half-heartedly as he walked away. Sometimes it felt like the whole world didn't want him and Gwen to make it.

* * *

Despite being up against Gwaine in the final round, Arthur won the tournament with relative ease. It might have been the fact that Gwaine had been in the tavern the night before.

Leon held up Arthur's arm in triumph as applause thundered around the stands. Reluctantly, Arthur made his way to the royal box. The crowd roared when he walked over to a blushing Lady Clara and offered her the winning token. As custom, he brushed a chaste kiss on her cheek and she cooed and fussed over token, watched by a doting Lord Cheswick.

Till this point, Arthur was actually enjoying the tournament, especially when he noticed Gwen cheering for him from the stands during every round. He managed to catch her eye a few times and warmth flooded him when she acknowledged him with a nod and a slight smile. For a moment, it was almost like the past. Almost. When Arthur looked up after passing the token to Lady Clara, Gwen was no longer in the stands and his heart sank. Was she upset that he had not given the token to her? Did she think him indecisive, easily turned by another? Had he lost whatever ground he'd made with the notes and flowers?

As the cheering crowd cleared and the servants arrived to clean up the area, Arthur trudged back to his tent, wondering if he should have risked Lord Cheswick's wrath and given the token to Guinevere like he had planned instead. His mood took a turn for the worse the more he pondered his decision, and by the time he was near his tent, he was ready to take it out on Merlin.

"The armor and sword need polishing. And I want them so shiny that I can -" Arthur flung the drapes of his tent open and entered, only to stop and stare when instead of Merlin, Guinevere stood waiting for him.

"I'm afraid that I'm not very good at polishing." There was a shy smile on her face and affection in her eyes. His heart leapt. She didn't look angry. Perhaps she'd missed him giving Lady Clara the token.

"Guinevere!" A shiver ran down his spine when she went up to him to help him remove his armor. "Why are you here?"

Her movements were calm and efficient. "I wanted to thank you for the flowers this morning. They are beautiful." Her voice dropped a little and he imagined that she might be blushing. Pleasure curled in his stomach.

"It's no trouble."

Moving to his front, she took his arm to help him with the vambrace. Her hair tickled his throat and it took a great deal of self-control not to bury his face in it. His arm trembled and she looked up.

"Tired?" Concern tinged her voice. "You were great out there. I forget how well you fight." The blush that stained her cheek deepened.

Mutely, he shook his head. If he opened his mouth, he suspected he was going to start begging her to love him. He missed her so much and having her in such close quarters was both exhilarating and painful. "Why are you here? Merlin should be doing this."

Looking back down at his vambrace, she continued to unfasten it. "I heard some gossip from the servants this morning. It seems that Lord Cheswick's daughter has taken a fancy to you."

Panic gripped him. He had to explain. "Guinevere-"

"Let me finish please. Then someone said that perhaps this would be the third time lucky for you. And then, they looked at me and stopped talking."

"Oh." He had no idea what to say to that. "I have no interest in Lady Clara. You know that Guinevere."

"I do. I imagine you did it to maintain a good relationship with Lord Cheswick" Gwen removed both vambraces and placed them on the table.

Arthur smiled at her insight. "I did. Lord Cheswick has no intention of marrying his daughter to me at any rate."

But it was as if Guinevere wasn't listening to him. Her fingers were nimble, quickly divesting him of his armour. The confidence with which she removed his armour was absent in her voice. "Arthur. Your two weddings - they were to me, weren't they?"

"Yes." The word came out as a whisper. He stared at her, trying to gauge her response.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It didn't seem right and -" He swallowed. "I didn't want to pressure you. It is difficult enough going through 5 years of changes in a few weeks." His voice dropped. "And you didn't feel the same way about me."

She stepped forward, so close Arthur could see every single freckle on her cheek. "I loved you."

For some reason, Arthur's throat seemed to have dried up so all he did was nod.

Lifting a hand, Guinevere cupped his face, an action that was so familiar yet so strange. "You are not the prince I knew 5 years ago." A smile played on her face. "For one thing, you're king."

His returning smile was bittersweet. "I like to think that I am a " Curling his fingers around her wrist, he held her hand to his face, reveling in the feel of her warmth. "What does this mean for us? The last time we spoke, you made it quite clear your heart belonged somewhere else."

She lowered her eyes and pulled her hand away. "I was so sure of that a week ago. But recently, everytime I think of the man -"

"Merlin. I know."

" - of Merlin, for some reason, he always turns into you and I find myself looking at your notes and thinking of you instead. When I sat in the stands earlier, I had the strangest feeling that I've done it many times, cheering for you, being proud of you. And when you looked at me and nodded, something stirred in my heart." She laughed, "how silly do I sound?"

Her cheeks were deep pink and she kept her eyes focused on his chest. He wondered if she could see his heart trying to burst out.

"What are you saying Gwen?" Hope was blossoming in him but there was still a fear he might have completely misunderstood her.

Gwen kept silent and his fear grew. "Guinevere? Are you saying that I might have a chance?"

She looked up at him. "I think we owe it to ourselves to try."

Joy bubbled in him and he took a deep breath. "Then maybe you'll have dinner with me, just the two of us, one evening?"

"Tomorrow?"

He could no longer mask his happiness and he grinned. "Perfect."

She grinned back at him.

"Can I kiss you?"

Mischief sparkled in her eyes as she whispered, "I remember quite enjoying the last one we had."


	8. Chapter 8

"This is your what? Third dinner in a week?" Merlin asked as he leaned casually against the bed post, arms crossed.

"Yes and so?" Arthur brushed down his shirt and picked up his sword.

"It sounds like things are going well. Gwen was in quite a good mood yesterday, humming as she washed the dishes."

Arthur couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. Things were going well with him and Gwen. Their first dinner together was slightly awkward but by the time Gwen brought out the custard tart she had made for dessert, it was almost like old times. Conversation flowed easily, casual touches between them seemed natural and when Arthur stepped out of her house that evening, he was drunk with happiness.

"Don't forget that the ceremonial cloak needs to be ready tomorrow to send Lord Cheswick off."

"Yes, yes. Enjoy your dinner with Gwen. Tell her I said hi."

"You just saw her this afternoon." Arthur shook his head as he left his room. He fully intended to enjoy his dinner with Gwen, with or without Merlin's permission.

Dinner was a simple stew, not that Arthur minded.

"I've been meaning to ask you this." A slight blush coloured Gwen's cheeks, piquing his curiosity. "When … how did we start?"

"Start what?" He mumbled with a mouthful of stew which he swallowed hurriedly when Gwen frowned. "Oh … start. Huh. Well, I was staying at your place and apparently being a bit of an ass."

The frown deepened. "Why were you staying at my place?"

"It's a long story. I was hiding."

Gwen raised her eyebrows.

"And Merlin offered your place and as I said, I was a bit of an ass and you took me to task about it, and I guess that's how it started. You're the first person, aside from Morgana and Merlin, to see me as a person and not just the King of Camelot."

"I told you off and we fell in love?" Arthur could see the smile tugging at her lips.

"Well, it's probably more that you told me off and I fell in love with you. You didn't seem to fall as quickly." He grinned. "We did have a very lovely first kiss."

The pink returned to her cheeks and she broke eye contact. "I don't think kissing was ever a problem."

"No."

For a moment, they gazed at each other until Gwen looked away. "Eat your stew before it gets cold," she chided.

Arthur knew the warmth that burned in his chest wasn't a result of the stew.

Some time later, it was with great reluctance that Arthur said goodbye.

"I was thinking that if you still needed someone to look over the castle's budget for you, maybe I could help." Gwen stood at her door as Arthur slipped his cloak on.

"Will you?"

"If it is not overstepping my boundaries."

"Never," Arthur murmured. And not for the first time, Arthur felt a surge of fondness for the tiny woman standing in front of him, staring at him with earnest, brown eyes. He cupped her face and, like always, she swayed towards him. Like Gwen said kissing was was never a problem for them. Her lips parted and he explored the familiar warmth of her mouth. A moan escaped and Gwen shifted closer to him, allowing him to wrap his arms more tightly around her waist.

When their kiss broke, Arthur looked down at Gwen, his heart feeling like it was bursting.

"I love you."

The slight smile on her face faded and she stepped out from the circle of his arms. "Arthur -"

"No," Arthur placed a finger on her lips. "It's okay if you can't say it yet."

"I'm sorry. I really like spending time with you and -"

"It's fine Gwen. It's fine." Arthur whispered even as his heart sank slightly. He didn't expect her to say it but it still hurt when she didnt.

* * *

Arthur sat on the steps of the courtyard and stared up at the sky. Guinevere's earlier uncertainty had made him wonder if she was still in love with Merlin, if she was hoping still that she had a chance with Merlin. He couldn't help the bitterness that wrapped around his heart - he was doomed to always be second in her heart. There was no doubt, even now, that she cared for him nor was there much doubt that she was attracted, physically at least, to him. Perhaps, he told himself, that could be enough. It was enough before when it was Lancelot.

Except this time Merlin was alive and well and living in Camelot. And Arthur knew first hand how hard it was to be so close to someone you loved but didn't share the same feelings. He sighed, rubbed his face and stood up. It was going to be a long day tomorrow.

The sun was barely in the sky when Lord Cheswick and his huge entourage departed Camelot. After the gesture of giving the token to Lady Clara, Lord Cheswick was true to his word and negotiations went quite smoothly. It was quite the relief to have one less thing to worry about. He had had Merlin pass Guinevere the necessary documents so she could look through the budget. Having been part of the castle staff for so long, he was sure she would have a better idea how the castle could be more frugal. Or at least she would know who to talk to.

His duties took up much of his day and aside from a few glimpses along the corridors of the castle, he saw nothing of Guinevere. They hadn't exactly quarrelled but he suspected last night was playing on both their minds and there seemed to be a mutual decision to keep a distance. So it was with a little surprise that he opened the door to her that evening after dinner.

"Guinevere! I wasn't expecting you."

"Is this a bad time?"

"It's never a bad time for you," he smiled, thinking that perhaps his day would end on a pleasant note. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

"I was looking through the castle budget and I thought that perhaps I could discuss some things with you. After all, I can't go to the council with my thoughts."

Arthur nodded and stepped back so she could enter his room.

For the first time, talking about the budget didn't frustrate or annoy him. Guinevere, as expected, was knowledgeable, sensible and insightful. By the end of the evening, he had a better idea of how to keep Camelot functioning on a stricter budget.

"I've cleaned the stables and collected your laundry," Merlin burst into the room, buried in a pile of clothes which he dumped unceremoniously onto the dinning table. "I swear that new knight of yours, Sir Hector or something is - oh Gwen! Didn't realise you were here."

Arthur saw the smile that grew on her face and the fondness in her eyes before turning his attention to Merlin.

"Put the clothes away then you can go." The words came out harsher than he meant and he noticed Gwen frown. "What about Sir Hector?"

Merlin, head in Arthur's closet, his voice muffled, replied, "I don't trust him. He's up to no good. What do you know of his background anyway?"

"I've heard the servants speak of him. He's been very elusive about his background, other than the fact that he had been wandering around for a long time since his parents were murdered by Morgana's forces several years ago." Gwen moved forward and began to help Merlin with the clothes.

Jealousy reared his ugly head as Arthur watched how comfortably they worked together. "We take in a lot of such knights like him. Many have lost their families in the wars around us. Hopefully, they find a family with the other knights."

Merlin finally got out of the closet. "I know and most of them are very grateful for the opportunity. But Sir Hector, he says the right things but I don't think he means it. Elyan and Percival have been keeping an eye on him. They caught him nosing around the armoury yesterday."

"Perhaps he has a keen interest in weapons. You should show the same interest."

"Weapons aren't terribly interesting if all you get to do is polish them. But seriously, watch out for him. Anyway, I'm going now. I know when I'm intruding. Have a good night." Merlin said suggestively as he ducked out of the room before Arthur had enough time to chuck a pillow at him.

"I should go too." Arthur turned to Gwen and he wondered if she was hoping to catch up with Merlin.

"Can I - Are you still in love with Merlin?"

He supposed that if she was no longer in love with Merlin, a denial would be easy to express so her silence only confirmed his worst fears. It was one thing to come second to someone dead. It was another to come second to someone who was still alive and around.

"I -"

"You're right. It's late. You should go." He cut her off, not wanting to hear the words. Vaguely, he remembered how the next step in the book was to recite poetry he wrote to her. Even if he could write half-decent poetry, he doubted words were going to win her heart.

"Arthur." Instead of leaving, she grabbed his hands and he felt the usual shiver of excitement run through him. "I like Merlin and I admit for a while, after I woke from unconsciousness, I believed I was in love with him. He was nice, kind and gentle - the kind of person I've always hoped to be with."

Kind, nice, gentle. Three words no one would use to describe him Arthur thought. How did they even come close to marrying when he was clearly not the man she dreamt of?

"But," She moved even closer to him, one hand cupping his face, "I've realised he doesn't make me feel the way you do."

The only thing to do was obviously to kiss her.

And he did, with all his heart.

* * *

"I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be laughing." Arthur tried his best to glare at Gwen who was sitting on a rock near the stream, legs swinging and eyes full of amusement.

"You just compared me to beer." Her words came out between giggles, and any mock offense Arthur took at her laughing at his poetry was easily outweighed by the satisfaction of making Guinevere laugh.

"It was the only word that rhymed with Guinevere!" Poetry was impossible. When she opened her mouth, he quickly continued, "at least, it was the only one I could think of."

"You're hopeless. And why the sudden need to write me poetry? Not that I'm not flattered. I just thought you'd rather kill me a chicken than serenade me with poetry."

"I," he said as he settled down next to her, "was trying to be romantic. I guess that wasn't terribly successful." Her laugh was light and full of affection and he figured he was willing to write the worst poetry if it amused her so.

"I have a tip for you Mr Romantic." Gwen leaned so she was pressed against his side and whispered into his ear. "Beer is very rarely romantic."

Her breath tickled the side of his face and he felt himself tense. They never did much more than kiss and despite him wanting more, he was reluctant to push her. Still, he draped one arm across her shoulders and pulled her to him. He loved how naturally she fit into his side. Things seemed to be progressing well. Still, he never said those three words to her again and she still hadn't said them to him.

"So if not poetry, what should I do to win your heart?"

"Picnics are nice." She turned her face towards the sun. "This is nice. Being out of the castle, away from all the responsibilities."

Her eyes closed and she leaned into him. It was moments like this that he was glad she didn't remember some of the things from the past.

"Tell me, what happened to our first wedding? I assume that it was Morgana's attack that interrupted it?" Her hand was in his and her thumb stroked him lazily.

The sun was shining. Things in Camelot were calm and people seemed happy. Why did such a perfect day have to be marred with this?

When he failed to answer, she sat up straight, worry clouding her eyes. "It was Morgana's attack right? Because why else would we call it off?"

He could spin a lie and then swear everyone to secrecy but this was Guinevere and he'd lost her trust before. He wasn't about to lie to her. "I called it off."

And the whole awful story came pouring out of his mouth as she stared at him - Lancelot's return from the dead, her and Lancelot caught in a passionate kiss. Even as he related the story, as dispassionately as possible, hurt, anger and guilt churned in his stomach. It was worse when Guinevere's eyes reflected the growing horror she was feeling.

"You caught me kissing someone else the night before our wedding? What kind of person was I?" Her hand was no longer in his and the distance between them suddenly seemed unbreachable.

"A normal person. Lancelot was your great love. He was just never around. Then you thought he was dead and you had sent him to his death. I guess the emotions of seeing him alive again and the love you had for him was overwhelming." Arthur paused. He'd been through these thoughts over and over again but giving them voice tore his heart to bits. Hearing himself acknowledge that Lancelot was the love of Guinevere's life, seeing the way she looked at him now - it all coalesced into a huge mess of emotions in him. He cleared his throat and looked blankly at the rushing stream. "You told me you couldn't help yourself. I know what it is like to be in the grip of emotions. You didn't mean to." After all the months of replaying that scene, it was the only explanation that made sense to Arthur.

She said nothing, staring instead at her tightly clasped hands.

He took a breath. "And I selfishly banished you after that." The admittance was just as painful and the guilt he had kept at bay came back to him.

For a while, Guinevere just stared at him. Confusion in her eyes, then anger and hurt. Arthur didn't expect anything less. "Where would I go? My whole life is here!"

He had no answer for that aside from telling her he was sorry. The apology was useless, and Arthur knew it but what else was there to say. In awkward silence, they packed up and returned to the castle. There was none of their usual farewell kiss, no warm looks or gentle words as they parted ways. As he watched her walk away towards her home, he wondered if all the progress they made were for naught, if his mistakes were too large to ever get past.


	9. Chapter 9

With all the administrative work, his focus on spending time with Gwen and various random castle duties, Arthur hadn't been to training for a while. Thank goodness he could trust Leon and Elyan with the training. Still, after yet another long afternoon cooped up in his room staring at reports and requests, Arthur decided he needed a break.

The sun was high in the sky and even from within the confines of the castle walls, Arthur could hear the noise from the town outside. Peace. He smiled. Morgana might still be lurking somewhere, looking for a moment to strike but for now, Camelot was rebuilding. A flash of lavender and Arthur turned to catch Guinevere, her arms full of laundry, walking along the corridor with another maidservant. As if she could feel his gaze, she looked up and smiled at him. He hadn't seen her since their picnic the day before and he was pleased that she wasn't too angry to smile at him. Arthur knew they needed to talk about what happened and their emotions, but even before she lost her memory, Arthur didn't want to have that conversation. Now, he was even less inclined to. Why couldn't they just put it in the past? He could accept that she loved Lancelot, he told himself even as the familiar pang of sadness rose in him.

A small group of young knights were training with Leon and Arthur was content to watch them for a while. They were promising, quick hands and feet. Yet they were immature and confused impetuousness with courage. It had taken him some time too to learn the difference - to learn that combat was more than just a physical skill.

"Up for some sparring my lord?" Leon called out to him. Nodding, he grabbed his sword and strode towards them. This would help expand all that nervous energy that had built up in him since he spotted Guinevere.

The first knight was Sir Tomas, son of the middle town's baker. He fell easily at Arthur's sword, admiration and awe shining from his eyes as Arthur helped him up. Distractedly, Arthur patted him on the back and muttered some words of praise. Hopefully the other knights would put up a bit more of a fight.

Sir Robin was slightly better but easily distracted. Sir Marc seemed overwhelmed with nerves and more or less collapsed at Arthur's feet even before the first swing of the sword.

"Hector! You're up!"

A tall, well-built boy stood in front of Arthur. Unlike his peers, he radiated confidence. This would be interesting thought Arthur as he lifted his sword.

Sir Hector was a lot better than those before him. His hits were accurate and hard but most importantly, he could read a fight, anticipating Arthur's moves fairly well. He was still rough around the edges and a little too emotional when fighting, but Arthur was impressed. Sir Hector was definitely a lot more polished than any of the other new knights. Arthur wondered where he had trained before. Unbiddened, Merlin's warning about Hector floated into his head but before he could put more thought into it, Hector lunged at him, causing Arthur to dodge in a somewhat awkward position.

After a chain of hits, Arthur raised his hand, signalling that combat should stop. Hector lowered his sword and Arthur slowly caught his breath. The tension he'd been carrying eased slightly and he was feeling slightly better. Sticking his sword in the ground, he made his way closer to Hector, wanting to commend him on his skill and enquire where he'd learnt them.

The next thing Arthur knew was that he was on his knees, his hand clutching the wound in his chest and not being able to breath. His eyes were heavy and everything started to become hazy. Leon was screaming and he thought he heard Merlin's voice. Breathing was incredibly painful and he could barely keep his eyes open. His limbs were heavy and part of him just wanted to lie down and rest. Where was Gwen? If he was going to die, he wanted to tell her he loved her.

"Gwen." Someone moved him slightly. Someone else was saying something to him. His eyes were heavy and even as he forced them open, all he saw were shadows and light. Every breath was an effort. The pain seemed to have gone. He felt like he was floating. Where was Gwen? Who were all these people talking to him?

He was tired. Perhaps a nap would help.

* * *

Light.

Arthur opened his eyes and winced. Pain radiated from his chest and he looked down at it. A blood stained bandage was wrapped tightly around him. But even in his confused state, Arthur could tell it was no ordinary wound. He'd been wounded before. It had never been like this.

"Don't move." Merlin called out from somewhere. "I told you about Sir Hector. When will you realise you should listen to me?"

Arthur wanted to retort but found his throat far too dry to do anything but croak.

Merlin finally appeared in front of the bed.

"You must be exhausted. A little more to the left and you would be dead. Now, we're just hoping that the poison in your system has all been flushed out." With a sighed, Merlin shook his head. "It's not looking good though."

"Gwen?" He rasped, ignoring Merlin's hint that his injuries might kill him.

"I didn't realise you were waking up now. I sent her to get some rest. She's been sitting by your side, fussing over your wounds the whole day. I imagine she'll be back first thing tomorrow morning."

Arthur sighed and a sharp pain shot through him. Any movement hurt and he was quite willing to lie in bed for a while. The fact that Gwen had been by his side cheered him up tremendously. His mood sank when he remembered what happened. What on earth was Sir Hector thinking? Was this a precursor to yet another attack on his kingdom? As much as wanted to, he couldn't lie in bed forever.

"Don't worry. Patrols have increased. Elyan has also increased security around our borders and Gwaine and Leon are with our traitorous knight, trying to find out who sent him. My money is on Morgana." It worried him sometimes how well Merlin knew him.

"Gwen - safe."

"She has guards on her all the time and Elyan made her move to the castle. It wasn't easy since she has no memories of how much Morgana seems invested in her death. Camelot will still be here tomorrow. Get some rest."

Too weak to argue with Merlin, Arthur merely grunted and lay in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness. He spent his waking moments hoping that this wasn't the beginning of yet more conflict and wondering where Gwen was. Merlin stayed with him the whole night, checking his bandages and insisting he drink some foul liquid. Some time during the night, he must have finally fallen asleep. Dreams of Camelot in flames, of Gwen and Merlin dead plagued him and he jolted awake every few minutes. Merlin would watch him, worry marring his face, from a chair some distance away.

Once again, Morgana stood laughing as Camelot burned around him. Merlin lay dead on the ground and Gwen was in Morgana's clutches.

"How can a simple servant become queen? She has done nothing to deserve the throne." The dagger Morgana held at Gwen's throat moved.

"No!"

"Arthur?" A hand stroked his cheek and forehead. "Arthur."

It was a dream, he told himself as he struggled to open his eyes. Staring down at him was Gwen. Her face relaxed into a smile when his eyes opened and then suddenly, she was sobbing.

"Oh. I told myself not to cry," she mumbled as she covered her face with her hands. "Sorry."

He reached for her, ignoring the pain that shot through him. Immediately, she twined her fingers with his, lifting his hand to kiss it.

"Gwen," he whispered.

"I'm here. I'll always be here."

"Good." There was so much he wanted to say to her but his throat and voice refused to cooperate, so all he did was smile and squeeze her hand, even as the pain increased.

"I was so worried." For a while, she just stared at him, her eyes dark and full of emotions Arthur couldn't read. "When Merlin told me," Gwen sucked in a breath. "You were unconscious for so long -" Her breath was shuddery and she shook her head. "But you're going to be fine now." This time she smiled.

Arthur nodded. "I'll be fine," he said gruffly, all he could do in face of the physical pain and the swirl of emotions in him.

"Shh, I know it's painful to talk. Let me take care of you, hmm?" Her free hand touched his throat gently. Then, she untangled their hands, then bent down to lift a small bowl onto his bedside table. In silence, she wet a small piece of cloth, squeezed it then applied it gently to his face, his neck, his shoulders. She rinsed the cloth again, then moved to his chest. Her touch, more than anything, soothed Arthur and even the constant pain seemed to ebb as she cleaned him. Arthur kept his eyes on her hands, at the contrast between her darker skin and his paler one. Her strokes were confident and gentle, wiping around his bandage. Rinse, wipe, rinse, wipe. It was hypnotic, soothing and Arthur thought he couldn't love her more.

"I love you Guinevere," he said when she finally stopped.

And even though she only smiled in return, he could see the love and affection in her eyes. For now, it was enough, Arthur thought as sleep claimed him again.

* * *

AN: One more chapter! Thanks for reading and the comments. :)


	10. Chapter 10

He was bedridden for a week. By the third day, he was bored and tetchy. Only Gwen's presence made staying in bed bearable and knowing that she would worry if he insisted on leaving kept him in bed for longer than he wanted. She fussed over him, tending to his wounds and keeping him company.

"How do you feel?" Gaius asked after he checked the wounds. "I think we can assume the poison has indeed been flushed out. You'll probably have a scar."

Arthur slowly moved his arm. "It's still sore but at least I have some movement back."

"Good. You can probably go back to most of your duties but don't over-exert yourself physically. The wound still needs dressing but I'm sure Gwen will take care of that." Gaius gathered up all his medicine and bottles. "I'm glad you are still around my lord."

"So am I."

"I hope this teaches you to listen to me." Merlin pushed himself from where he was leaning against the wall. "I'm going to get Gwen. She's very anxious about your condition."

"Thank you, Merlin."

He heard Merlin scoff and he smiled.

While waiting for Guinevere to show up, Arthur closed his eyes. They hadn't spoken of their past at all over the last few days, and honestly, Arthur was more relieved than anything. Maybe they could just forget all about it and just move on with their lives. He was pretty sure Guinevere cared for him and that was enough for him. He hoped it was enough for her.

"Arthur?"

He opened his eyes, shifted so he was sitting up and smiled at Guinevere as she moved to the bed, her fingers sliding against his as she took his hand. "Guinevere."

"Gaius tells me that all is good. I'm glad." Her other hand cupped his face and he turned slightly to press a kiss against her palm.

"I'll be glad to get out of this bed."

Arthur saw her frown. "You should rest."

"I'm not going to train or do anything too strenuous. But I need to deal with Hector."

Her thumb rubbed the back of his hand. "I know," she said on a sigh. "I'm on a break right now. Spend it with me before you become King again?"

"Only if you kiss me," he said.

Guinevere laughed, then she pulled her hand from his and gave him a light punch. "Only because I feel sorry for you."

Later that day, he met with his knights and council, ascertaining that Hector was indeed sent by Morgana. Her whereabouts were still unknown, despite hours of questioning Hector and various patrol sent out led by the senior knights. As such, there was little they could do aside from sending regular patrols to check the outlying areas of Camelot. Aware that the more allies he had, the fewer places Morgana would have to hide, Arthur made a note to speed up meeting the leaders of the neighbouring kingdoms. By the time, Arthur called an end to the meeting, his wound was throbbing and his back ached.

Merlin helped him back to his chambers, tutting the whole way about needed to rest more. Arthur ignored him.

"You don't look good." Guinevere stood at the door watching as Merlin eased Arthur into his bed.

"He worked too hard," grumbled Merlin. "You'll never fully recover this way."

Arthur closed his eyes. "Go away, Merlin."

"I'll change his bandage." Arthur heard Gwen tell Merlin. But even as she approached the bed and pushed his shirt up, Arthur kept his eyes closed. Her hands were sure and efficient as she unwrapped the bandage, then pressed a cool, wet cloth against his wound. "It's going to scar."

"It's hardly my first scar."

"That is true." Her fingers drifted over the other scars scattered over his chest and Arthur sucked in a breath as desire shot through him. Arthur opened his eyes and stared at Guinevere intently studying him. "Tell me about them."

His voice rough and low, he told her about the scars - the ones he remembered at least. With every story, Guinevere ran her fingers across the scar. Darkness shrouded the kingdom by the time Guinevere finished dressing his wound. Part of him wanted to ask her to stay with him but he didn't. She kissed him, whispered a goodnight and then was gone.

* * *

One whole week's worth of paperwork awaited him the next morning. He was thankful that after she finished with her duties, Gwen sat with him, doing some mending, as he struggled through, occasionally giving her opinion. Better her than Merlin.

It was evening by the time he cleared the most important paperwork.

"I need to get out of here," he grumbled as he shoved the various documents aside.

"How about a walk?" Guinevere stood and moved towards him. She chewed her bottom lip as she looked at him, before saying, "We could talk too."

Talk. The way she said the words, as if she was trying to be casual, made him anxious. What did Gwen want to talk about? The past few days, she'd fussed over him, taken care of him. Had she realised she didn't care as much? Did spending all that time with Merlin make her reassess their relationship? Did she finally want to talk about what happened? As much as Arthur didn't want to talk about the past, he knew that he couldn't keep running.

They ended up in the castle garden, surrounded by blooming flowers. Impulsively, he plucked a rose and handed it to her. She blushed, sniffed it and held it in one hand. Her other hand, she tucked into his arm as they walked slowly.

"What did you want to talk about?" Curiosity was eating at him and if she had bad news for him, he rather know sooner than later.

"We should sit down. You shouldn't exert yourself." Gwen waited till they were comfortably seated before she continued. "When Merlin came running to tell me that you were severely injured, I - I realised something." Her warm hand curled round his. He held on to it like it was his lifeline.

Hope crept through his heart and his voice was barely a whisper. "What did you realise?"

"I thought that I was going to lose you. And all I could think of was I never told you that I love you too." She looked away, tilting her head up and staring at the sky. "When I thought that you might not survive the attack, I panicked and it hit me that I couldn't bear to lose you." Her eyes met his. "I love you Arthur."

"You know I love you too, Guinevere." She blinked and Arthur saw tears in her eyes. Gently he pulled her closer to him and lifted his hand to cradle her face. "I love you more than you will ever know."

When he leaned forward to kiss her, Guinevere pulled back slightly. "Arthur, we need to talk about what happened."

"Why?" Arthur dropped his hand from her face. "It's in the past. You don't even remember it. I love you and you love me. We can start anew."

"I may not remember, but you do. You'll always remember that I betrayed you before our wedding."

Waving a hand, Arthur shook his head. "It's the past. It doesn't matter."

"Arthur."

He stood, frustration coursing through him. "What good will talking do? You loved Lancelot. I knew it years ago and I know it now. But he's gone and unless he comes back from the dead another time, he's never coming back. I can live with it. I can live with knowing you love him more."

"Arthur." Guinevere stood as well. "I cannot love a person I don't remember. I don't want you to think there's someone out there who I love more, who I rather be with. The Gwen who betrayed you before your wedding made a mistake - a horrible, awful mistake. I don't know why I did it but I want you to know I am sorry."

He took a step towards her, reaching out for her. With little hesitation, she went into his arms and he held her as tightly as he could, ignoring the pain in his chest. He buried his face in her curls, breathing in her scent. "I love you, Guinevere."

"I don't want you to ever think I would love anyone more than you, Arthur."

He lifted his head, drawing back a little to look at her. "I owe you an apology as well."

"Merlin told me what happened after you - you banished me." She kept her eyes down until he placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. "I know you felt you had no choice."

"I was selfish and I put you in danger. All I can do now is say I am sorry for all the pain and hurt I caused you. I am so sorry. I will never abandon you like this, ever again."

"Arthur," she tightened her arms around him. "That period of time was bad for both of us. We both made bad choices but we don't have to let them ruin our future."

With Gwen gazing up at him, being wise and sensible, all Arthur could think of was how much he adored her.

"I love you. I am so sorry about everything. I promise you that I will be a better person."

"I love you too." She smiled before saying teasingly, "I promise I'll never kiss Merlin again."

He grinned before her words sank in. "Again? You know what, I don't want to know."

In response, she pulled his head down and kissed him with such fervour that he couldn't doubt the way she felt about him.

* * *

"Do you think she will say yes?" Arthur fidgeted with his collar, wondering why it felt so tight.

"Do you have the ring?" Merlin pushed Arthur's hands away and adjusted his collar instead. "Look at how nervous you are. You'd think that you haven't already proposed to the same person twice."

Slapping Merlin's hands away, Arthur huffed. "Shut up."

"Look, she said yes both times - goodness knows why - she's going to say yes this time." Merlin thumped him on the back. "Now go. She's waiting for you in the dining hall."

Arthur slipped the ring into his pocket. "Did you tell the kitchen to make her favourite food? What about the candles?"

"You could propose to her with nothing and she'll say yes. She's head over heels in love with you and my only consolation is that you are as much in love with her." Merlin gave Arthur a shove towards the door. "Now go!"

"Fine, fine."

As Merlin said, Guinevere sat at the long table, waiting for him. Her hands were in her lap and she looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Arthur! I thought you were held up. Do we really have to eat at this table? It's so -"

"Impersonal?" Arthur walked to her and kissed her cheek.

"Yes. Quite."

Slowly, he knelt in front of her. "You need to get used to eating here."

"What are you doing?" Her eyes shone and her hands flew to her mouth. "Arthur -"

"Marry me, please." And even though Arthur knew Merlin was right, the brief moment when Guinevere said nothing and just stared at him was the longest, more worrying moment of his life. "Guinevere?"

"Um, of course I will." Suddenly, she was in his arms, her face pressed into his neck. Then she looked at him, smiling through tears. "For a while, I thought you'd never ask again."

Arthur broke into a huge grin, dug the ring out of his pocket and slipped it onto her finger. "I didn't want to rush you. And I wondered if you would get your memories back."

"I don't need my memories back. I just need to make new ones with you."

"Come here," he said, his voice thick with emotions. She leaned into him and he kissed her.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Everyone said it was third time lucky for the King. In line with all the budget cuts in the castle, the wedding was small. There were no lavish decoration, the bride sewed her own dress and while the feast was generous, the number of guests were limited to the closest friends of the bride and groom.

Aware of the benefits of a good celebration, Arthur gave all the castle staff (except Merlin) the day after off and reduced taxes for the month. And so for a good few weeks, everyone celebrated the wedding and coronation of a new queen.

"Hello my queen. How was your day?" Arthur pulled off his clothes before sliding naked into bed beside his wife. "Why are you dressed?" He murmured as he slipped his hand up the thin shift she was wearing.

"And deprive you of the chance to undress me?" She batted her eyelashes at him before stretching over to kiss him.

"Good point."

She laughed as Arthur growled and dragged her closer to him.

Later, as they lay sated together on the bed, limbs tangled, Arthur felt the most content and happiest he had ever been in a long time. When he told Gwen that, she snuggled deeper into his embrace before whispering, "Me too. I'm only sorry it took us so long to get to this point. Did you ever worry we would never make it?"

His arms tightened around her. "No.I had my courtship book. If you had not fallen for me after the poetry recitation, there was still the cooking, more flowers and apparently stalking."

"Oh," she laughed. "Well if I had known all these were awaiting me, I would have held out longer. Although I must say, the close to deathbed maneuver was very effective."

"That was something I came up with on my own."

"Don't ever do that to me again."

"I'll try not to." Arthur brought his hand up from her waist to caress her breast,feeling himself harden when she wriggled against his length. "As long as you never forget me again."

"Perhaps," she moved against him suggestively, "you should give me something to remember."

* * *

AN: I hope you enjoyed this! :)


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